The Forgotten Element of Swinging: Human Nature in an Open-Minded World

When people think of the swinging lifestyle, they often imagine a world where judgment is left at the door—a liberated space where anything goes, and everyone’s desires are met with open arms. And while swinging doesattract open-minded people, there’s one important truth that tends to get overlooked:

Swingers are still human.

We come into the lifestyle with our histories, our values, our comfort zones, and yes—our preferences. And while the swinging scene can feel like a haven of acceptance, that doesn’t mean human nature disappears. We still gravitate toward some people more than others. We still make choices about who we connect with. And sometimes, we still judge.

One often-overlooked dynamic is the difference between swingers who drink and those who don’t. For some couples, sharing a few cocktails is part of the fun. It loosens things up, helps with nerves, and makes the night feel more social and playful and is often a key component to an enjoyable and successful night.

For others, sobriety or low alcohol intake in a “consent” driven environment, is a conscious choice—whether for health, past experiences, or simply personal preference.

These differences can shape the energy of an evening. A sober couple might feel out of place in a party atmosphere fueled by alcohol. Likewise, a couple who enjoys a buzz might struggle to vibe with those who keep things strictly sober.

It doesn’t mean either is wrong—it just means they’re looking for different vibes.

Understanding that helps everyone navigate the space with more respect and less friction.

Your preference is not your shame, it’s ok if you do things differently as long as you stay respectful and you’re not impacting others in a negative manner.

Preferences are part of life and we need to start feeling more comfortable with the fact they don’t disappear in the lifestyle similarly;

Another big dividing line in the lifestyle?

Views on protection. Many swingers insist on condoms, dental dams, and regular testing as non-negotiable. For them, it’s about safety, trust, and personal boundaries. Others may operate within trusted circles where protection isn’t always used, often based on deep levels of communication and testing.

These aren’t just casual preferences—they reflect deeper values, and they can dramatically impact compatibility. A couple that prioritizes safe sex may feel uneasy with partners who don’t. Likewise, those who are fluid bonded within their circle might not want to reintroduce protection into their play.

Again: no one’s wrong. It’s just a matter of alignment.

Now my third main point is probably one of the most common I get asked  questions about and hear about and that is.

Friendships, Circles, and Chemistry

Just like any social world, the lifestyle forms its own micro-communities. People build friendships, form trusted groups, and develop chemistry over time. That can sometimes make new people feel left out or unsure of where they fit in—especially if their values or preferences differ.

But here’s the truth: that’s not a failure of the lifestyle. It’s just the reality of being human in a human space. Inmost situations no different to approaching someone for play the key is o approach and attempt to have a conversation, if the answer is no, move on find a more accepting or  welcoming  group, however don’t make an outside judgement before approaching most “groups” have formed overtime from regular interactions and visits that started from a brief introduction.  So give it a go, say hello.

And remember you don’t have to be around those groups 24/7 when you do meet them, you might not get an invite to a party or activity, it doesn’t mean you’re on the out it just means friendships are not exclusive and often like in the real world some meet ups might include you and some may not.

In conclusion the key takeaway is we are all humans and have a lot of preferences and personalities learning to be ok with it and focus on finding what makes you happier is important.

You won’t click with everyone. Your values may not align with every couple you meet. And yes, there may be moments of judgment—sometimes quiet, sometimes subtle, but still felt. That doesn’t mean you don’t belong. It just means you’re on the journey of finding your people.

Swinging isn’t about being accepted by everyone. It’s about building meaningful, consensual, respectful connections with those who share your feelings —sexually, socially, emotionally.

So be clear about your boundaries. Be honest about your preferences. And most importantly, be okay with the fact that not everyone will match you—and that’s perfectly fine.

There’s space for all of us here. The key is finding where you truly feel safe, seen, and excited to be yourself.

Don’t stop being you!