REJECTION

Let it guide you, Not HIDE you!

Throughout the swinger lifestyle, there is probably no other subject that has common ground with us all, the fear of rejection, the disappointment of the date that you thought was going great only to end. Rejection is a huge part of our lifestyle and the fear of rejection often gets in the way of many of us engaging with others or joining LS events.

So is rejection a bad thing?

Well simply put yes it’s a bad thing or at least it may feel like a bad thing, you are entitled to feel disappointed, sad, or angry when a prospect goes down the drain or maybe it’s just you are not getting the attention you feel you deserve.

The main focus is to try and use that rejection and learn, grow or simply move on.

You see it’s a common misconception that we are all DTF and ready to satisfy your every need, this in the majority of cases is far from the truth, but the thought that everyone is DTF often leads to great disappointment and feelings of frustration and rejection when it happens.

So how can we handle rejection and make sure it doesn't become a barrier for future encounters?

Firstly try to understand that this lifestyle is no different to everyday society, relationships don’t come easy and interactions are never guaranteed, everyone has things they look for in partners and those they are looking to explore more with, like society you will meet some that you connect and others you don’t, and sometimes the realisation of this comes after some time engaging with the other person or couple.

It’s not a bad thing to find they don’t meet what you’re looking for and likewise, if they decide you are not for them that’s ok, you know.

The worst thing is not knowing or wishing you had gotten the courage to approach them, we discussed how self-confidence plays a big part in the lifestyle and it ties in with rejection and not wanting to be told no or let down when things don’t work out.

The thing to remember is you are not in control of whether someone else wants to play or connect, you are however in charge of how you present and interact and sometimes reflecting on this or seeking feedback from others can help, a lot of times rejection comes early it’s due to an approach method or how you are conducting yourself, yes sometimes it’s based purely of looks or your gender but that is out of your control.

Try focusing on putting your best foot forward and remember rejection is just part of the lifestyle, it doesn't mean that no one will be interested it just means that you have an opportunity to explore other options.

If you feel the rejection is getting too much or that “No one is interested in me /us” it might be time to reflect on your approach and maybe even the people you are approaching, are you being specific in what you are looking for? A classic example of this is the “ elusive “ unicorn, we see many posts from unicorn hunters that state no couples which is fine but there are many couples that engage in solo play or where one member doesn't engage, maybe they are a voyeur ect so by eliminating a whole group of people you eliminate a whole lot of opportunities.

Think about the following:

-How do I change my thinking to see rejection as a positive

- reflect on your approach and appearance

- give yourself time to process the rejection

- Seek support or guidance from others in the lifestyle

- Treat yourself to something nice; a coffee or a walk in the park to try to break the negative thoughts

It sounds old school, but simply get back on the bike, you might fall off a hundred times but you may also find the ride of your life.